better business blog

Tips and stories to add value to you and your organisation

How To Be Nice To Your Wife

11 November 2018

Ok please don’t write in …how to be nice to your husband too, or partner, or special friend. There’s only so much inclusivity you can fit into one title.

It’s all about Strokes people! Please don’t be alarmed. This is a term from Transactional Analysis (TA). Strokes is not the most user-friendly word given it’s only a short skip from comedy club innuendo, but once you embrace it, it’s rather a good word.

A stroke, in this context, is a unit of recognition. A smile. A wave. A hug. A scowl. A shouted reprimand. No eye contact. Yes, strokes can be positive and negative.

There’s no limit to the number of strokes we can give and receive, but people often have a strong sense of when enough is enough. However, with love and affection given to us in authentic ways we can slowly expand our capacity to accept strokes.

In my experience people assume stroking in positive ways means buying flowers. This is a lovely thing to do and yet people often just want a text to say hello. A welcome home hug after a long day at work goes a long way. As does a cup of tea when you’re working hard and flagging.

The small things all add up and people do cherish them. Sending a Valentine’s card on a day other than 14th Feb is a great way to delight our partner. It shows extra thought and it’s always the thought that counts.

Some men are great at giving strokes and some forget that they do have an impact.

Think of them as food for the relationship. We all need to eat, have good quality food and have the odd treat. Poor diet equals poor health and it’s the same within relationships.

Now, if you’re wondering what being nice to wives etc has to do with business then it’s this: In reading this you might be thinking ‘but I already know of all this!’ However, people often fail to translate what they know at home into a work environment.

People are the same at home or at work in many ways. If we can be nice to our partner at home we can be nice to our colleagues at work. Strokes are a wonderful way to make sure people feel regarded and appreciated.

We can all find positive strokes to give people each day. We can all say ‘thank you’ and ‘well done’ …a stroke can be as easy as that.

And the word ‘nice’ is a lovely word too. It does the job …nicely!

Next week: Do You Need A PA?