better business blog

Tips and stories to add value to you and your organisation

5 Ways To Be Assertive

15 May 2011

I had to laugh a few days ago, when teaching ‘Assertiveness’ to a lovely group of delegates, because I needed to use my own techniques to assert myself and get through the material within time. Assertiveness doesn’t come from just being in the room; instead we have to choose how to use our energy to make ourselves heard.

Here are 5 ways that I used to assert myself:

1) Standing up. It’s much easier to project our voice and ‘be present’ when we have height to our advantage.

2) Pause button. Holding your hand out flat and saying ‘can I just pause you’ is a great way of getting control over the ‘conversation space’.

3) 3-beat eye contact. Holding someone’s gaze for a count of three is a powerful way to assert yourself as it projects confidence and sincerity, and the other person realises that what you’re saying is important to you.

4) Asking questions. If in doubt ask a question, as it encourages thinking and enables us to discover new information…and because there’s a chance that we may have mis-understood the other person’s position.

5) Holding the silence. Assertiveness can be about doing nothing, and in order to assert control; stillness has value. Simply ask for silence and stand with your arms out to one side, palms flat, and be still (a kind of double pause button). Your stillness will quieten others and give you control.

Assertiveness is easier when you know a trick or two and my sneaky point 6 is this: practice at home with your partner, or on the kids. It’s free and a great way to increase confidence.

And finally… A small flurry of excitement this week when Job Hunting 3.0 broke the 2,000 barrier on Amazon and reached a new high at number 1,860 in the charts, which is a fantastic result. Small sherries all round and big thank you’s to everyone who has bought a copy, or recommended it to friends.

It’s almost certainly the most practical job hunting book in the UK today and is as relevant for school leavers as it is for seasoned workers.

Tags: assertive, tip