better business blog

Tips and stories to add value to you and your organisation

The Secret Of Successful Relationships

11 October 2015

In the late 1980’s a researcher by the name of John Gottman (Ref: Flourishing, Maureen Gaffney 2011) identified the secret to successful marriages. After extensive research of happy and unhappy couples he concluded that there was a magic ratio of interactions. This was set precisely at:

5:1

Which means that for every cross word, or frustrated outburst, or disappointed outcome there needed to be five positive interactions. These could be a warm smile, a passionate kiss, a conflict solved with harmony, an unconditional act of kindness, or a feeling of being appreciated, heard or understood.

If the ratio dropped to 4:1 and below then couples started to fall into a downward spiral of negativity that could ultimately end in divorce. Our task, therefore, is to keep the ratio at 5:1 and then success will follow!

Eye contact played a big part in generating positive interactions and when eye contact faded the couples began to struggle.

Now this is interesting enough in it’s own right and then in 2005 Fredrickson & Losada applied the same research methodology to business teams and found the same results – teams with a 5:1 ratio of positive interactions were successful in meeting their goals and reported better interpersonal relationships.

So, this week take a moment to think about your business relationships and ask yourself what the ratio might be for you? Do you make positive eye contact and smile? Do you both repair the effects of a mean-minded disagreement with plenty of positive interactions? We all have a part to play and we can all affect the success of our relationships.

Next week: Delegation Time